Florida is a strange and bizarre place, populated with an unending stream of strange and bizarre news stories.
Monica Dorsett, a Florida native, recently experienced the most Floridian experience possible: she was driving in her car, when all of a sudden a corn snake came slithering out of her A/C vent.
I repeat: A SNAKE SLITHERED FORTH FROM HER VEHICLE, LIKE IT WAS THE MOBILE PASSAGEWAY TO HELL.
Dorsett’s daughter, Kristina, tweeted about the emotionally scarring incident, saying that her mom “almost crashed her car.” Dorsett’s husband came to the rescue to put the snake out of its misery after it was slammed in the car door. (Although for future reference, no matter how much you hate snakes, maybe just call Animal Control if you find yourself in this admittedly terrifying situation.)
Dorsett is still reeling from the highly unusual brush with nature.
“I was on four-lane highway and I all of a sudden see the snake coming out of the vent near my left hand,” she told BuzzFeed News. “It took me a second to realize — that is real.”
YOU CAN KEEP IT.
Dorsett even managed to take video of herself exiting the vehicle in a panic — because when something this absurdly terrible happens, it’s absolutely necessary to obtain as much proof as possible so you can at least get a good story out of the whole thing.
Dorsett’s daughter, Kristina, says she frankly isn’t surprised that the snake showed up in the truck, uninvited. “Florida is just weird, it would happen.”
As a result, Twitter has decided that Florida is now canceled.
Goodbye, cruel world. No more of this, please. We hereby give all of our vehicles over to the snakes.
We don’t need to hear anymore. We were all curious at first, but now we need this horror story out of our ears.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go sell my car.